Judging Others — What's Behind It?
Posted: Saturday, October 20, 2007
by e
Dhammabucha Rocksprings Meditation
Being judgmental is being angry.
Fear, the basis of anger, is always connected with the past or future. If you can look deeply within and find what it is that you fear, whether it is God, living up to some kind of ideal, fearing ideas different from yours, or people that are different from you, a different color, social status, or if you fear losing your house in these difficult economic times, or your partner to someone else, or your job, or your status, these are all fears that result in anger.
What I just said may not register with a person who is in a present judgmental state of mind, simply because the person may be escaping their own problems by focusing on someone else whom they are judging. But because what has just been said is factual, it will act as a seed, and someday the judgmental person will be able to begin looking inside and figure out where their own problems begin, which is the only thing that will help them personally.
We should all be concerned with anyone's apparent anger, because in time it will not only promote disease, but because if an angry person continues being angry, it can easily turn into hatred and get out of control. And someday that person might meet someone who is just as angry and fearful and hateful, perhaps on the highway (with road rage so prevalent), and then they, or someone else, may get hurt, or worse! This is how our many religious wars have begun. Isnt it time to find another way? Peace is so . . . loving!
I have written several articles on anger: They are titled, Anger Mismanagement; Manage Anger, Why not End it?; The Heart of the Anger Problem."
Also, to calm one's mind a little, my inspirational articles may help: "A Flower; Seashells; Beaches and eternity; Why I'm Not Rich; The Story of a Tree; Why Do I Write; Postmarked Yesterday; When all Hope is Gone; Three Reasons Were Unhappy; Understanding Grief; The Bird on The Pole; Does Life Let Us Down; Happiness, the Carrot; Only One Day to Live; Misinterpreting Life; The Deeper Meaning of Life."
A calm, contented, peaceful life is possible. It's so much better than anger.
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E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-eight years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Mr. Rock, Your article about being judgmental and angry is a closed system. It permits you to let yourself off the hook for your own behavior toward your family as per your article, "Deadbeat Dad." This allows you to say, "Others are angry and judgmental toward me, so I will sign off with 'peace and be well' and judge their judgmentalness." Men typically honor their primal instinct to protect and defend their family. They naturally provide safety and support for their nest. You chose to write an article to assuage your own guilt while abandoning your family and then justified it with cherry picked Bible verses. Did you ever take responsiblity for the hurt and disappointment you caused your family, including financial hardship? Those who are judgmental are not always angry. They may be hurt, disappointed or believe that others have committed acts of injustice. If I am judgmental about the horror of Hitler and Nazi Germany, does that make me an angry person? And if I am angry about it, does that constitute a problem because "everything is in the eyes of the beholder?" Bottom line is, real evil exists. People enable that evil by their denial and responses to those who are smart enough to be aware of one's dark side. After you wrote "Deadbeat Dad" I followed up with an article of my own which I doubt that you read. It is entitled, WRITING AS AN ACT OF CATHARSIS. Raymond, quit acting like a spiritual guru and hiding behind the Bhudda and Jesus. It's getting stale.Hi Jim,
Not sure how to respond, except that it is apparent you have some repressed anger that you are venting in the comment sections of many of my articles — that’s quite apparent — and that’s okay. I’m not offended in the least. (Nobody home inside a crazy man! Heh, heh). You know what they say, if a visionary statement isn't considered crazy by almost everybody, it isn't visionary! LOL. (You have to loosen up Jim, laugh a little!)
Actually, it is good for you to see where you are regarding your emotions. Being aware of what you are right now, this moment, is a good starting point.
Fear is the basis of anger, and an angry person is a fearful person, someone who lives in the past (Like my divorcve thirty years ago!) and a future which is all fantasy, thoughts, and concepts. You may be just escaping your own problems by focusing on me, whom you are judging, but that’s okay, just be aware of what you are doing. If you are not aware of what you are doing, the anger will never be solved and remain long after I am gone.
As I said above, I have written several articles on anger that might help you: They are titled, “Anger Mismanagement; Manage Anger? Why not End it?; The Heart of the Anger Problem.
Anger should be mastered, because if you become angry with the wrong person at the wrong time, it could have long-term effects. (Don’t have to worry about me; my only concern is helping you!)
Also, as above, to calm your mind a little, my inspirational articles may help: A Flower — Seashells, Beaches, and Eternity —Why I’m Not Rich — The Story of a Tree — Why Do I Write? — Postmarked Yesterday — When all Hope is Gone — Three Reasons We’re Unhappy — Understanding Grief — The Bird on the Pole — Does Life Let Us Down — Happiness, the Carrot —Only One Day to Live —Misinterpreting Life —The Deeper Meaning of Life.
Looking forward to your next comment! We apparently have a lot to talk about, you and I. The next time I’m down Scottsdale way, I’ll drop in and we can drink some Green Tea together!
Be well……………e
Nice deflection, Raymond. Fear is the basis of anger? And I am the one with repressed anger? Quite the projection! Now I am going to cherry pick a Biblical story. Do your remember the story where Jesus got ANGRY at the money changers and threw them out of the temple? Now, I suppose you are going to tell me that Jesus was afraid since that's the basis of anger. Since you never get @#$@#&*ed off about anything, who's repressing here! When people pat you on the head and tell you to lighten up, that is what is scary! You need to get serious, Raymond, and quit telling me to lighten up.Hey Jim, welcome back! Looks like we both have some free time this beautiful Saturday evening. I lived in Phoenix for awhile and loved the sky and the Camelback mtns. Great memories. Lived there just before I went to Shasta Abbey. Are you getting to like me just a little bit? No? Well, I’ll keep trying! (Cause I’m crazy!) Let’s face it, Jim, my friend; we are the world. You and I, discussing things on this website. How we treat each other - with respect or hatred, how we work things out together and compromise, will determine the future of humankind. Can you see this? We are the world. Do you know how many people have been killed in the name of religion? Take a guess. Just in the 30 Year War between Catholics and Protestants — 8 million. The Crusades, (Catholics – Muslims) well they can’t even estimate that one! In the words of King Olaf (ANN COULTER) Tryggvason's in the year 1000--"all Norway will be Christian or die!" (That’s a joke Jim. Not the quote, but the Ann Coulter part. You can laugh). We, you and I, have a chance to end all of this stupidity, right here on this website. All we have to do is agree that we respect each other’s religions, and are open to new ideas about religion in general. Then we can have a mature discussion. Christianity or Buddhism might be nothing but children’s fairytales, or they might be everything. We could find out by having an open-minded discussion about religion. Or not. If we are inflexible, we will all perish. I have no doubtabout that. The problem is, we have identified ourselves with an ideal, you and I, a belief, and our ambitions regarding our ideals look past people. And the ideal becomes paramount, whether that ideal is Christ or the Buddha, or The good ‘ol US of A. And the problem with an ideal is that it is never real, only something concocted in our minds, like religion, or nationalism, or family. Why do we do this? It is simply because we are unwilling to face what is real, what is happening in this precise moment, and instead we superimpose a fantasy. Can we see this? Can we see it in our unwillingness to consider what we are saying to each other? Instead of hearing what the other is saying, are we are thinking about counter points, because we are fearful that the other may be right! Horror of horrors! So how do we get beyond this kind of immaturity? How do we get down to the brass tacks, so to speak? How do we change the course of humanity that is headed for a nuclear war – soon (check out my 2012 article). A war that will certainly wipe out all of our families? And that would be a terrible thing to do to our families, wouldn’t you agree? Maybe worse even than a divorce! I suggest meditation and deep contemplative prayer, that would shift our present, restricted consciousness'. What do you think? It’s all up to us, you know. Our families are countingon us. With lovingkindness……………e
Raymond, Your last sentence, "Our families are counting on it" says it all. No condescending suggestions from me. None would work.Have a great weekend, Jim. Best.........e
Hi E Interesting discussion above. Fear is the basis of anger. If you don't mind, would you please comment on what James asked about when Jesus was angry at the money changeers and overthrew the tables. Would you say it was fear that made him angry? If yes that what kind of fear is this? Or is this something different? Many thanks shuHi Shu, sure; I don't know what happened in Jesus' times. I was taught a lot about him when I was a kid, (Catholic) but after I got older and looked into who actually wrote the bible, I can't be sure how much is myth and how much is truth. I believe it was written 60 years after his death, a lot of time to change some stories by self promoting Church fathers! I know from my own experience that you cannot be angry without an underlying cause. If you are a meditator and learn from your own experiences, you can easily see the steps that the various emotions take, and fear is the basis of anger. When you are afraid, it is either flight or fight! But sometimes we can’t admit that we are afraid. James (he’s my friend and I love him) was using well known debating tactics. One was a “circling argument:” an argument which fails to prove the point, but assumes that it is true instead. (How do we really know what Christ did? People assume that everything in the bible is true, but the historical facts about how and who wrote the bible are quite different from this. The bible is based on beliefs and myths. James also used “post hoc, ergo propter hoc,” or: because this is true, that is true, even though the first premise is unproven. (Jesus got angry, therefore anger can’t be from fear because Jesus was God and how could God be afraid?) All misleading and poor arguments. James also used a tactic to defame me called: “Argument ad hominem” A fallacy that occurs when an arguer attacks a person’s character or background, which is irrelevant to the claim. And he also used; “Guilt by association” A fallacious argument that occurs when a person’s argument is attacked using that person’s association with groups and people rather than using issues pertinent to the argument. You can only prove things true for yourself, Shu. If you listen to others, they can use all kinds of complicated psychology to confuse you. Who would you believe? If you are the type that believes blindly, and you live in Iran, you might easily strap a bomb to yourself and think you are serving Allah! You must find your own way, trusting yourself, and your mind. If there is a God, she certainly gave you the capacity to find God directly without a middleman! The Buddha said, "Believe nothing unless you can prove it true to yourself." Hope this gives you a different perspective, perhaps not a popular one, but a real one! Best…………e
Thank you! I knew there was a reason... I just needed to be reminded that all human emotion seems to be rooted in either Love or Fear.
Yes, if you actually study the mind (obseve it without bias), you will discover that it operates quite mechanically. This studying is not the same as accepting a belief on blind faith. This is seeing for yourself. When you study the mind, you will see that first there is consciusness of something, your attention is directed to something. Then there is a split second of either attraction or aversion, followed by a recognitin of the object (memory) that you are conscious of. This is followed by a desire to grasp at the object, or push the object away. Then discursive thought enters the picture and tries to figure out how to get what it is you want, or get rid of it. Strong thought then translates into emotion; either a derivative of fear, or a derivative of attachment (not love -- real love is unconditional). Studying the mind (meditation is almost a certain requirement to do this) disattaches you from your concept of a self, which is a construct of thought. This releases you to see more clearly.
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