Two Faces of You
Posted: Saturday, July 03, 2010
by e
Dhammabucha Rocksprings Meditation
Carl Jung called it our shadow side, the part of us that we hide from others. Maybe we camouflage an aggressive sales pitch by a surface smile and fake friendliness, or lay down our bible long enough to visit a porn sight. Whatever it is; it is that part of us we don't want others to know about. We pretend, and this instills guilt.
Guilt of course always leads to fear of becoming discovered, to become known for what we really are, which is hypocritical. And fear, many times, leads to controlling - all followed by anger, hatred, and depression when our control is thwarted.
Part of becoming an integrated human being is becoming one-faced. We display the same face to everyone, including our selves. This of course requires drastic honesty and integrity, two bugaboos for the insincere heart. This is called honesty, truthfulness.
Why is it we get so caught up in exhibiting misleading impressions of ourselves? Is it insecurity, thirst for acceptance, desire for power? We become an actor on a stage who changes personalities and costumes to fit the scene. Why not just be you, even with all the warts and awful secrets that you believe will ostracize you from society forever? That's at least a starting point for change. If we forever hide our other face, we will never change.
And guess what? Your warts and secrets are no different from everyone else's, and those that claim to be saints never are. Only the sinners that admit their failings honestly can be trusted because they hide nothing. A real person will always be self-effacing, never judgmental of others, because they understand.
Coming to terms with oneself begins by taking a good look at what you have hidden away, and realizing that anything hidden causes deep seated stress. You are propping up a dishonest picture of yourself, the sustaining of which takes a tremendous amount of energy. It's not worth it. And neither are the things that you are hiding.
So there are two ways to become one-faced: One way is to no longer hide anything. Let the world know what you do behind closed doors and exactly what you think of everyone and everything. Of course, you will no longer have any friends.
The other way is to see clearly, maybe for the first time, exactly what your little secrets are and why it seems so important to keep them revealed. Must you continue with them? Can you not go another way?
This is where reflection, honest reflection, can make a change in your life where you can lay down the burden of two-facedness and become whole, integrated, projecting one view for everyone and everything, which is an honest view. But it requires insight and wisdom; insight into the absurdity and addiction of your hidden actions and thoughts, and the wisdom to see that this addiction has limited you all of your life.
I was once asked what's so wrong with manipulating people to get what one wants, which means acting, faking it, and only pretending to be friends for advantage. I replied that a life of a manipulator is a tragic life indeed, because that kind of person ends up even lying to themselves eventually, convincing themselves that they are happy while stressing themselves to death. No calm, no peace, no happiness. Only aggression and ambition, which eventually shreds a person's soul. No freedom at all.
Remove the burden of two-facedness for your own peace of mind. That's what we actually want out of life; ease and peace, a trouble free existence and the freedom to be ourselves. Just imagine how simple life would be if we were completely honest and straightforward. Just think how impressive that would be to anyone who interacted with you. It would be a powerful thing, so powerful that it could change the world. At least your world and the world of those you interact with.
Begin by seeing exactly what you are and what you do, how you think and how you interact. Just observe now. No need to attempt to make changes because that kind of attempt will set up a duality of the one who is and the one who should be. And that is being two faced.
So the first step is acceptance. Acceptance of what you are. Once that is made clear, then there is the chance for change. And once that change truly takes place, then their is the possibility, a very good possibility, of being one-faced in every situation.
And once we become one-faced, it is truly amazing how we automatically begin accepting others for what they are, not what we expect them to be, but what they are. This is the beginning of loving your neighbor.
And once we truly accept everything for what it is, we will find calm and peace, and when we do that, then, and only then, is there the possibility of going beyond even our one face, when we come face to face with that which is greater.
And it all begins with you.
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More commentsGreat words dear friend, on this we agree :-) Many blessings to you! TWell thank you so much Teresa. We probably agree on lots more. Compassion, understanding, equanimity in the face of adversity - or happiness, kindness, generosity. What is there that can be so different, we just become confused with labels and perceptions. Good to have you back.Metta (lovingkindness) .....eOh so true, I shouldn't have left all of these great things out - we do agree on quite a bit. Thanks again for the welcome. I hope I can stick around for awhile this time.I hope you stick around as well :)LOL! There's the smiley face I have been waiting years to see :-):) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ;) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) . . . . :)
Like it. The word 'hell,' when you research the roots, means 'to hide.' People who hide themselves are in hell. Your article points this out.I didn't know that Al. Thank you!
Honest reflection, while requiring Insight and wisdom, also must have the courage to accept what is discovered about yourself.Good point Bob - courage to accept! Thank you.
Great article, Raymond, I'm always amazed at the way humanity is controlled by ego...when it's so easy to simply flow with life - living from our higher self. Just joined your fan club...looking forward to reading more. Namaste!Thank you Terry for writing about meditation. You and I know how it can change lives and how we as a society can benefit greatly from it. Such a simple solution.Namaste!
Great article. Unfortunately, most people describe this "schizophrenic" segmentation of personal life and public life as civilized behavior!Good point Tom. Makes me think of many capitulations and aberrations we determine as normal or healthy!
I liked this article E- it resonates with my own thinking,as I believe that most of us do aspire to become an integrated whole human being. Good work- Always- EllaThe world would be a different place if more had that beautiful aspiration. Thanks Ella.
Great article. Very true points that everyone should realize. It is hard to find someone who is honest with themselves, first.Hard to find because they are usually very non-assuming and quiet. Thanks Carl.
This is an inspirational piece that talks about being integral, something that I'm not.Understanding what you are and are not is a beginning. Thanks Angie.
I wish more people were aware that they indeed have more than one face. As a social sciences major, I am trained to be very self-aware and by nature of my character, have a very hard time being dishonest in any capacity. That being said, looking in the mirror is not always easy. Thank you for reminding us how necessary it is!You are very welcome Jamie, and thank you very much. It is difficult to train intellectually in self awareness. It ends up being just a memory of what happened a moment ago. True self awareness is understanding (which means keen observation by the mind of the mind without action) and how mind creates a self through perception, feelings, thoughts and consciousness. This is quite different from the self being aware of itself, bcause the self is an illusion. Maybe you can balance your social studies out with a course on meditation!Best.....e
Wonderful article! I just submitted a piece along the same lines, "Seeking the Face of God."Great stuff here!Thanks so much Ken. I'll tune in to your article.
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