Hey Dad, Got a Minute?
Posted: Sunday, August 22, 2010
by e
Dhammabucha Rocksprings Meditation
"Hey Dad, got a minute?"
"Not now, I have to get these emails out."
"Cool. See you later."
"Hold on, hold on. . . . what's up?"
"Nothin'. I'll catch you later."
"No, hold up. Lets go for a walk, I need a break. . . . So, what's up?"
"It's not a big deal, I was just thinking about college and stuff, I mean, why am I going to college?"
"Yeah, I been noticing. Lots of people losing their jobs through no fault of their own. And nobody seems to have time for anything important anymore."
"So what do you mean by that? What do you mean ‘important?‘ Like I love to work my ass off to support you guys? C'mon. I'd like to hang out in Hawaii too and surf all day. You want to pay the mortgage with your part time job? You gotta get real, Son, you gotta have the right goals."
"Okay, I'll get real. Why am I going to college?"
"I just told you. C‘mon."
"No, I mean, I'll graduate, probably with honors. I'm pretty smart you know. Give me a goal and I'll exceed it. It's easy. I mean, why have goals anyway? You only need goals when you're not content with what you are or what you have. Right?"
"You're smart because you got my genes, Son. Here, let‘s sit down on this bench for a minute."
"Look Dad, what happens after I graduate, after I meet all your goals? I'll have more goals, I'll get married, have kids, pay the mortgage like you, and life will be good. But what if we all nuke each other in the meantime, or I accidentally come face to face with a starving baby in Africa? It seems to be coming to that."
"You can't worry about something you can't control."
"So it's all out of our control?"
"Look, I can control our life, but I can't control what other people do."
"Right."
"I mean, we do what we can. Let our elected officials worry about those other things, just do ‘your' job and go to college."
"I don't think so, Dad."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I think I'll pass on college."
"Sorry. You're going to college."
"What's the point? College is nothing a but big business now, indoctrinating us to become cogs in the wheels of Wall Street. Who wants to participate in continuing this greed that has taken over everything?"
"Are you stupid or something?"
"Dad, look; people have gone to college for generations, and guess what, we're still killing ourselves over differences in religion, and skin color, and honor, ideals, politics and nationalism. Look at the stupid wars we are in. Maybe I'll just sit it out and find out what it is inside of me that keeps this bullsh*t going."
"Just sit it out, huh. And do what? Give up?" Go on welfare?"
"Open your eyes, Dad. Look what ‘we‘ college graduates have created. Look at the poverty in the world, while the American Dream looks the other way. People without food, without housing, clothes or basic drugs, all because of individual and corporate greed, indifference, fear. Yeah. I'm giving up on a lot of things, but not my feelings, my gut feelings, my intuition, my passion, my heart. And you know why? Because I'm better than all the bullsh*t that‘s coming down right now."
"Hah, you're better than the rest of us? Right. We'll see how ‘better' you are when you're walking to work because your ‘89 Honda just broke down and you can't pay the rent. Don‘t call me!"
"Don't worry, I won't call you. And I won't have much, but I'll feel good about myself. You know why? Because I'll have the guts to go another way, and I'll just bet that I'll find someone who wants to go with me. I'm done chasing after the promised crap that even when I get it is as hollow as the eyes I see every day on worried faces. I'm done with your agenda for me, Dad, I‘m trusting in my heart from now on, I‘m listening to my heart. I know who I am Dad. Do you? I‘m going back to the house, I'll see you later."
"Hold on a minute, hold on there. How long have you been thinking this way?"
"For awhile. One day I saw a homeless guy laying on the sidewalk by the Metro Parking Lot. I asked him if he was alright. He looked me in the eyes, right in the eyes, and said, ‘Take a good look, kid, because I am you.' I didn't get what he meant right away, but then I got it - we're all in the same boat, Dad, and I can't have a bigger seat than the next guy. I just can't, because my bigger seat makes someone elses seat smaller. I'm sorry."
"Let's talk about this, okay?"
"I don't know if I can talk about it anymore, I just feel it."
"C‘mon. What you are feeling is compassion, compassion for humanity. And a lot of kids your age go through this. But you'll get over it, like every kid does because it's stupid. Look, as a college graduate, you will make lots more money and then you can help humanity and poor starving people even more. Doesn't that make sense?"
"And lose my soul in the process to the puppeteers, pay off college loans forever? And kick this can we call humanity down the road one more time? You just don't get it, Dad. My life won‘t change the world, but it will change my world, and I‘ll be true to my heart. How many can say that?"
"Look, you can't help humanity by not fulfilling your potential. You can only help by doing the best you can, setting the right goals for yourself and going as far as you can. Only then does humanity progress."
"Bullsh*t."
"What do you mean; ‘bullsh*t?'"
"Bullsh*t, that's all. Our ‘potential' has brought us to the brink of nuclear war over religion, and mass starvation in an abundant world, and you know it. I bet you didn't even know that half the kids in the world go to bed hungry every night while you and mom are forever trying to lose 30 pounds. You and Mom pretend to know everything, but when you go to sleep at night, you wonder what it's all about. I know you do. The difference between you and me is that I'm going to find out what it's all about, and already, at sixteen, I know what it's not about."
"Oh yeah? And what's it not about?"
"It's not about getting more and more. It‘s not about struggling with goals to make my life easier, or make me famous, or make me better than the next guy. It's not about setting goals to avoid pain, which is the only reason anyone would set a goal anyway. Sh*t dad, it's about giving. Don't you get it? People want more and more, making bigger and better goals to help themselves. They don't even know who they are anymore, or what their true feelings are. Their hearts are dead. They are just puppets with someone yanking their strings as they dance all over the place. Their lives are all crooked and distorted, being encouraged to want more and more as if they don‘t already have enough. What kind of pressure is that? I've had it, Dad. I don‘t need to take any goal pills to ease the pain of not having enough. How much is enough? How much is enough, Dad? You know what? Getting more and more comes from being afraid. Are you afraid Dad? Well, I'm not."
"You haven't lived long enough to be afraid, Son. I've taken care of you. All you can think about is yourself. You're a spoiled brat. Wait until you're supporting yourself. You'll wake up."
"Oh yeah? Well just watch me wake up. Just watch me and my dead end job, and watch how I pay attention to those that are silently crying out for help, starting right there at my dead end job with all the people I work with who will be scratching out a living with no benefits so the greedy can buy more yachts. And watch how I live in poverty all my life by choice because I won‘t need much. And then watch what happens when I die. Watch all that Dad, and then tell me where I went so wrong. Oh, and another thing; why don't you tell Christ how stupid he was to live as a pauper and lift up the helpless, and tell the Buddha how off-base he was to live in rags in order to become enlightened. I can't do your thing Dad. I Can't keep this insanity going. My road will be a far different road from yours."
"Well, if you feel so strongly about this, why don't you just HIT the road, big shot."
" Go on back to the house and finish your emails, Dad. . . . I want to sit here by myself for awhile."
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More commentsIt would be very easy to get into this conversation; thanks for reminding me that I must keep my focus on the big picture when raising kids.To me, the big picture is understanding oneself, one's emotions, drives, thoughts, and then watching carefully one's greed, ill feelings toward others, and delusions about life. These things aren't taught in schools, and even a parent can't teach them. But what can be done is through example show the kids what's important in life. They follow actions not words. Somehow, they have to get involved with understanding themselves first. Everything else follows. And if they truly understand themselves, then their natural reactions of greed, hatred and delusions when faced with life becomes compassion, understanding of others which includes tolerance, and loving kindness. themselves,ves,
I already read and commented but it's here again in Reader's Club. Just because it's you Raymond, I'll be happy to read it again. :)And just because it's you Brianna, I'll write an article for you. I'll call it, "Be True to Yourself."
Hi e.Sounds like a conversation straight out of the mid sixties. I was a little too young (imagine that :)) to be a dyed in the wool Hippie, but I felt many of those same things the young man of your story is feeling. I went to college and was working on fulfilling my father's dream even so. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know what I wanted. Kids are way better informed today than when I was a teenager. I think they have more choices and better tools for making decisions. It was just dumb luck that I found my way at all.If more people felt the way that your young man does, I think the world could change for the better. Ultimately the Hippie Movement gave in to greed and the rallying cry of nonconformity became a conformity of its own. Payed lip service but largely ignored. Maybe that won't happen this time. Maybe this ball will keep right on rolling. Hopefully.Great dialogue describing the differing polarities of thought.Hugs, DianneThank you Dianne. The greed that the hippies envisioned eating the world alive is coming to fruition. Seldom do people change until they are forced to. It is the rare individual indeed that works on him or herself to better the world.Best.....e
Wow, phenomenally combustible! Totally anti-religion of me, which this country, and the world to be fair is eaten up with. Idealism used to be common among the young, remember John Lennon? I could see people cleaning up piles of crap from Texas to Maine while reading this article, you just helped Charmin make another fortune. lol Bravo! What was so beautiful about it was that it was so...simply you. Thank you.Hah! Thanks David. A five star comment.
Great article Sir! I really admire the wonderful way you have presented it.Thanks Chiradeep. You are very kind.Best.....e
I know a lot of people that are going back to school because of the weak economy... because they can't get a job and don't know what else to do. I don't agree that this is a good reason to go to school (although people rationalize it because they think it will help them get a job in the end). Many high school kids assume they must go to college because their parents did and that something is wrong with them if they do not... I do not think this is a good reason either. I say, only go to school if you want one of two things: (1) You are going into a very specific field like medicine or law in which case you know the path your schooling will go from day 1. (2) You want a 10-20k a year social experience in which you learn about yourself, what you want in life, or what you are good at for a future career. If you are going to school for any other reason, it ain't worth it. A bachelors degree doesn't get you that far these days in terms of getting jobs. What you gain from your friends, living on your own, and the clubs and organizations you join, may last forever and could possibly be worth all the annoying student loans. Just my 2 cents. -MikeYeah, I know mike. Thanks. Successful people in their fields, especially the arts, seldom finish college. College will be a thing of the past some day.
Is this fiction? Did this conversation really take place between you and your son? Well, the answer doesn't matter, does it? You've made your point so powerfully either way. This one has much in it to shake me out of the materialistic stupor, if that's even possible anymore. Thanks, Raymond, for the power punch. ~mogma~Hah! i just can't picture mogama in a recliner popping a bud watching NASCAR on a 60" plasma. (But you never know!) :) :)Best......e
Thanks for this, e. The younger generation is still ahead of the older ones even now. My teenagers are in a public high school in an extremely conservative area of Houston but they and their friends are very socially conscious, environmentally concerned and want to use the talents and education to make the world a better place. They give me hope. Your writing does as well. If someone doesn't point out where change is needed, how will people wake up?
Another good read, e. I kinda relate to the son in this article.I thought you would, you entrepreneurial rebel!!
The kid sounds like me and the dad...well..like my dad!I had kind of the same arguement with my old man. The difference being he understood me and helped me to find my way.Love you dad :). . . . . . Cool!
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